Taking a Break

I was back and forth over whether or not I would write this post because I don’t want to come across as whiny, but I think it’s important to be totally real.  So whether or not you care (but you’re reading this so I think you might), here I go to dump my feelings on you.

It’s happened.  I’m an injured runner.

NO, this isn’t a serious injury and I’m sure I sound very dramatic even though this is probably  trivial compared to most running injuries, but it really sucks for me right now.  Here’s the story:

I ‘d been killing it with workouts over the past few months.  I had my schedule down:  Circuit class Monday, running speed work Tuesday, circuit class Wednesday, running hills on Thursday, rest Friday, long run Saturday, and short run Sunday.

This was my January workout schedule.

My legs were usually tired and occasionally I was sore, but in a good way.  I finally felt strong.  I don’t know exactly when it happened, but sometimes when I was running, I would experience slight hip discomfort on my right side.  It wasn’t so painful that I had to stop running so I just ignored it.  The times I noticed it most would be when I was racing or when it was sore after speed work.  SLOWLY I began to notice it more and more.  Then when I was running hills one day, the tenderness of it forced me to walk.  What the heck?  So I decided to bring my problem up to Trevor, my running coach/physical therapist/fastest uncle in the west.  I was embarrassed telling him then because I knew I should have brought it up to him when the discomfort first started.  After talking about the ache and going over my workout schedule, which during that month included two half marathons two weeks apart, he advised that after that weekend, I should take a month off from running.

WHAT.

I figured he’d have me take away speed work for a bit (which I would have been GLAD to do anyway) or cut back on mileage, or do several exercises everyday, but stop running altogether?!  Please, no.  He explained that I had been overtraining.  After racing, I didn’t give my body time to rest and recuperate.  For that first half marathon I ran in February, I was doing speed work two days later- big mistake.  I was also not getting as much sleep as I should have been because I was getting home late from fitting all my commitments in.  And what really became a point of concern (and this is totally TMI, but I feel the need to be as honest as possible here and I wish people would talk about this more so I wouldn't have been so in the dark about it) was that I skipped a period even though I am NOT pregnant, I promise.  I learned that when your body is under a lot of stress then the reproductive system is the first place that shuts down.  I didn't think this was something that could be happening to me, though, because there are plenty of women who run WAY more miles than I do and they must be getting their periods right?  This was a wake up call for sure.  As much as it killed me to hear, I knew I had to listen to Trevor’s advice to take a break.

Because I had already paid and made plans to run the second race in February and still had Trevor’s okay to run if I took it easy, I went.  However, I made the tough, but smart decision to downgrade (for the first time ever) my distance from the half marathon to the 10K.  I told myself over and over before the race to take it easy and ease up if the pain came in.  Of course once the race started, I went out fast and hard and kept it up until the end.

All happy and excited at the start thinking I'll take it easy.

Near the finish obviously going faster than I should be, but stoked on it.

Channeling my inner Rosie in my Pro Compression socks as this course was right by the Rosie the Riveter Memorial in Richmond, CA

I came in fourth in my age group and was several minutes off of my 10K PR, which I shouldn’t have done.  My hip is paying for it now.  I just convinced myself it was okay because it would be my last time running for a month anyways.  Dumb logic there.

The Mega Medal I earned from running two Brazen races in February!  The prospect of this medal also added to my stubbornness of wanting to run the second race even with my hip hurting.

Now, I wasn’t sure if I should stop going to my workout classes as well, but coach said I can be doing anything that doesn’t aggravate my hip.  Well, it’s been about a week of doing absolutely no working out and my hip still hurts so I haven’t been in to the gym at all.  I feel like such a lazy, flabby slug.  My self-confidence is down.  I worry all the time that I won’t be able to get back to where I was strength wise in the gym.  It is always SO hard for me to get back into the groove after taking a break.  All the months of lifting, and I will be right back where I started.  I fear the same with my mileage as well.  It was so easy for me to get out there and run six or so miles.  I was so in shape.  I'm going to have to work back up to it and it's going to take time, patience, and a lot more effort.  I'll have to miss some races I planned on running and was very excited about, but hopefully will be worth skipping for recovery.

Traded running for cycling once and WOW my butt hurt afterwards.

But what really bums me out the most right now is not running at all. So no running...now what do I do?  I know a month isn’t that long, but running isn’t just something I do for an hour or so several times a week.  I live it.  It's what I talk about, think about, read about, spend money on, write about, what structures my daily schedule, what gets me to go out of town more, encourages me to go outside of my comfort zone, is a way for me to hang out with friends, and meet new people.

Post race treats after Bay Breeze Half in San Leandro.

Some great friends I have made from running.

Running is part of my identity.  People daily come up to me and ask me about it.  Just on that first day of no running, 3 people brought up running in our conversations.  I know they mean well, but every time it’s like a dagger and I just want to wear a big sign around my neck that says, “I swear I am a runner, but just not right now.”  So this injury got me thinking about my identity as a runner, and I realized I don’t want running to be my whole identity.  Because when I lose running, then I will be lost.  I want running to be PART of what makes me me.  I AM a runner.  But I am also a friend.  A lover.  A teacher.  A reader.  A movie buff.  A writer.  A listener.  A doggy mom.  There are so many other beautiful parts of my identity aside from running, and I really want to take this step back to celebrate those parts.

It’s going to be a struggle.  It already is, and I need your encouragement.  Please be there to talk with me if I need to and listen to me whine.  Writing this has already helped me be more contented.  Show me all the other awesome things I can be doing.  Help me to feel good about rest and be okay with my body taking a break.  Because I just really don’t want to continue with beating myself up over not being as active as I was.  I need to listen to my body, and appreciate it love it no matter what.  I will try to remember to choose joy in this small section of my journey.  And when I do decide to run again, I will try to not let that be my everything, but one in a multitude of things that bring me happiness.

First up on the break agenda:  binge watching all of Fuller House in the Gibblers!  #doitgibblerstyle

Also, can we just revel in the fact that Andrea Barber (Gibbler herself) reposted my photo of the Gibblers playing Full House: the Board Game?!